What’s your name, I’ve seen it before

I know the resurrection isn’t about us,

But it would be a beautiful thing to wake up from death next to you.

To see each other like we used to, but also like the first time,

Because your body’s not the same and neither’s mine.

Now we wear our true name,

And I know this next life isn’t about what we used to be,

But I’d like to be the first to meet you all the same.

To meet you and to hear your true name,

The one I caught a glimpse of our first night,

When souls are as honest as they can be.

The one that peeked out when you first smiled

At our last child and you heard she was a she.

And I know I can only say what I see, but you

Seemed at peace the last time I saw you read Truth under our backyard tree.

And it was there when your hands that had little friction to give

Washed my feet.

It wasn’t your fault that I couldn’t always hear your name.

It’s this damned skin we’re in.

Call me gnostic if you want

But there’s a reason we get new ones.

And since you‘ve finished and

Wait patiently,

I’m eager to be done with the old,

So I can get in the queue.

Could I wait with you?

That sounds like grace, that way when we

Wake I could be the first to see your face,

And I could see your true name, and I’d

Be the first to –

I’ve written this before.

Maybe I wont have to wait as

Long as I was told.

Maybe towards the end things more quickly unfold

And before we know it we’ll be rushing upwards to meet Jesus.

I don’t know how things work but on the way up

I’d like to take your hand.

Not in matrimony as that was just written in sand,

But as my first sister; the one who showed me His plan.

And we could be two,

Creations unique who became one for a time to

Serve as helpers to prepare the other for our true lover.

And those were our names.

And how you loved, that is your name.

And it reflects a greater one more beautiful,

But yours is still damn pretty.

It’s been two years I’ve been looking at your name in stone. This is the closest to goodbye I could muster for you, I just have such a hard time balancing my grief while understanding God is involved. I feel odd to say the truth which is that I’m not a huge fan of there not being marriage in heaven. This was a way of working through that I suppose. Not just saying goodbye to you as a person, but our relation to each other, which is why I drew it as far out as possible – up to the point of Jesus’ face. You know I always struggled with that. The point of this is to say I love you. I do every day. And I miss you. I do every day. But don’t worry, I’m still enjoying life. My bowling game has improved 15 pins since you left now that I don’t feel pressured to lose to you. Had you been alive i’m sure you would have gotten better along with me, but you’re not, so I will claim that I am the better bowler.

I miss you my friend. My very best friend.

Our daughter is at the door, and I will tell you before I leave that she loves and misses you too.

With love and my name,

Joshua