Consequence

In a rocking chair at the airport,

I’m wondering what this is all for.

Why am I being brutalized this way?

With so many mistakes being made.

It must be my fault.

Not punishment but consequence of

Disordered loves – putting myself first.

I know of punishments that have been disproportionate.

Unfair to some degree.

Consequence doesn’t act that way.

It’s an apple falling off a tree.

It should all make sense.

But pain that makes sense is still pain

So I’ll pray for the miracle that would stop an apple from gravity so my pain will abate.

Today’s her birthday.

I know I deserve the consequence of my actions.

Is it wrong to ask to be relieved?

My sins have been died for my eternity is reprieve but is there grace while living?

Is that too much to ask for?

Early relief from inherently temporary things?

Would relief order my loves correctly?

I don’t know.

I pray that it would,

So that God would have some incentive

To stop the apple from falling the way that I know it should.

He loves me.