I Didn’t Earn This

I’m taking a warm shower In a cold city. How ridiculous to thinkGod doesn’t love me.

three of many

1.How many times have I seen you ordering coffee?How many times did I notice? 2.I had a hair on my shirt the other dayAnd I thought it could be yoursUntil I realized I bought the shirt in Novemberand haven’t seen you since. I wish it was yours. 3.I remember songs that make you cry.I never […]

Want

I want to want what You want. And I pray that way. Then I see what I want and think “Oh, You want that too” Because of my aforementioned prayer – I’m wanting what You want. But just because my want is a way Doesn’t guarantee that it is what You want, Only that You […]

I’m Scared of What You Want.

“Thy will be done” said fearfully In the garden. Sweat like blood and Tears like what? There must have been tears. When there was no other way He still asked for one. Did he think there was? It’s not the same at all But I always think there is. If it is good for him […]

Consequence

In a rocking chair at the airport, I’m wondering what this is all for. Why am I being brutalized this way? With so many mistakes being made. It must be my fault. Not punishment but consequence of Disordered loves – putting myself first. I know of punishments that have been disproportionate. Unfair to some degree. […]

You Have Been, Are, Will Be, Crucial

I used to write across the table from you, Or next to you. I was comfortable being silently vulnerable, Emotionally bare, With you there, Sitting, Doing your own thing, Drinking coffee, Writing a paper. Somehow you made feeling Easier, more clear. Just with your presence. It seemed like you were encouraging, Pushing me to feel […]

Cut Me, Softly

Memory dissipates but the Essence remains – Your eyes, Your smile. Proving themselves joyful scars I observe often. I didn’t know I was open When you looked at me, But I bled out love and It was warm. There’s more to be had. Cut me again. Be my closest friend. And we can kiss each […]

You Reprove, You Love

God Your correction came too late.The realization of my mistake:The way I was.Your reproof seems like hate. Why after the fact?Why when I can’t fix it?Maybe because I don’t need to.Maybe because of my savior complex. Your reproof feels like hate. But what sort of maliceCan true correction hold?How could real redirectionBe deceptively told? It […]

(Written In) December ’18

Water is always weightier than expected.Especially tears with all that they carry. She tried to walk with themBut her body said they were too heavy. She had to drop them on a cold benchUnder a freezing blue sky. They brought her head down as they fell andStained her red jacket sleeves. They aren’t as heavy […]

Luxury

Let Me tell you I love you.Do you think I don’t mean itBecause you don’t hear Me? Why won’t you listen?Why avoid good news?Maybe because you don’t thinkIt is good, or that it matters. Most love seems luxurious,Not necessary,But Mine is both. What joy to have something so crucialBe soft. Why don’t you listenTo My […]